Has it been eight months since you left us, or was that just yesterday?
Has it been a lifetime since we were together or was that really only eight months ago?
Has it been, that time may be standing still, and in eight months you have never left my side?
I feel you at my side constantly
I feel you in my heart each day and
I hear your whisper in the quiet moments I can stop and listen.
Your voice comes through each day, every week, as our TCI work continues.
You touch my heart through that work, you touch my heart in seeing every element of what was created together.
Your presence by my side grows stronger as I slow down to let in the enormity of losing you, now eight months ago.
Losing you Kathy, in a physical way, has been so surreal….and still is, after only eight months.
I have not gone through a single day without asking, “where have you gone Kathycramer?”.
Each time that question is voiced, I know it will do nothing to bring you back.
Knowing I cannot have you back in the way that I want, I turn to what might be possible beyond the physical.
So many family and friends are feeling you with them in very special ways.
I know our connection goes beyond just the times we were physically holding each other close.
I find you in each room of our home, in pictures, in the decor, in your paintings.
I find you each time I open my computer and see the note you taped to it, saying “I love you”.
I find you when I open a drawer and see something of yours that I can’t let go.
Yet, it’s in my heart that I feel you the closest.
It’s in my open heart that I know we continue to be together.
It’s there in my whole heart, that I can find each moment of our falling in love and each word that went with it.
Come, let’s keep falling in love. We can make that happen, right?
Let’s go beyond what we have ever had before. There is still so much life we can live in spirit, right?
Let’s find together the next, even better, version of our WE. There is no limit to what we can create, right?
Feel me open to know all of this is possible.
Feel my struggle to let you go, and move forward without you, all at the same time.
Help me know how to do that….because in eight months, I still have no clue.
My tears blur the screen now,
My sobbing masks the music I am playing and
My broken heart aches from wanting to have you with me.
It’s been this way for eight months now.
And eight lifetimes from now, it will still be this way.
I miss you Kathryn….
……and I love you more than you can know.
Or is it that you know this more clearly now, than you did eight months ago???