In This Moment

In this moment, I feel my heart inside that is so broken open.

I feel the gaping hole that remains from losing the love of my life.

I feel the raw pain and hurt that is still so present.

 

In this moment, I am aware that this broken heart is a heart opened in a new way.

I am aware that my sense of possibility has been heightened through this newly opened heart.

I am aware that possibility and openness bring newness for hope and transformation.

 

In this moment, I cry as I look at each picture I see of Kathy.

I cry for what I thought would be, that now, is never to be.

I cry for the aloneness I feel without her here in this room.

 

In this moment, I also know I am not alone in spirit.

I know I have her here within, around and beside me.

I know that all the love we shared is held within this broken, open and yet whole heart.

 

In this moment, I seek the wisdom to make sense of all that is swirling within.

I seek to let the broken-openness serve to guide me to what’s next.

I seek to honor all that was and hold it for what it is now and let it become what it will for going forward.

 

In this moment I trust that brokenness, awareness, openness will lead to a new sense of knowing.

I trust that in staying present there will be clarity emerge in a gentle grace-filled way.

I trust that my willingness to courageously speak from my own open heart will let me hear the words needed at just the right time.

 

In this moment, my open hands are holding Kathy so closely.

My open hands are bringing her love for me, and mine for her, together to fill every cell of my heart.

My open hands reach out to offer this love anew for myself and to each that I encounter in the world today.

 

In this moment, I find solace in my belief that this process I am swirling in, is just where I am supposed to be.

I find grace in allowing myself to give voice to all of this that is within.

I find acceptance that is so elusive and fragile, beginning to hold me in gentle new ways.

 

In this moment, I choose to honor this acceptance.

I choose to hold Kathy even closer than ever before.

And I choose to let all of this show me, in the moment, the next step to take….and then the next.

In this moment, I am here, I am present, I AM.

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