Fear comes to tell me I can’t be sure of what I need to do next.
Fear whispers that I may be moving too quickly.
Fear holds me in its grip saying, moving forward means leaving Kathy behind.
Sadness comes to remind me of how moving forward can feel.
Sadness holds my loss ever present and helps stabilize me as I move.
Sadness defines the depth of unconditional love that our WE was holding.
Joy can creep in between the fear and sadness and show me light.
Joy touches my open heart and offers its healing.
Joy calls me to bring all that WE have had and move forward with delight.
It hurts to have to move forward without Kathy.
It hurts to have to be in this place of aloneness when OUR world was ahead.
It hurts to realize day after day that it is now me and only me.
Anger boils knowing it should not be this way.
Anger spews its bitterness at having to rebuild my life.
Anger brings the unanswerable cloud of why me, why now, why her.
Love stands by as the fear, sadness, joy and anger do their dance.
Love holds a place of knowing that all is as it should be.
Love offers the new world of possibilities.
Love reminds me that nothing has been lost, that Kathy is present, here and now.
In this moment, the presence of her love gently embraces all that is stirring.
In this moment, my love for her fills me to overflowing.
It is in this moment, that there is
nothing to fear,
sadness to honor,
joy to embrace,
anger to release
and love to allow into a broken, yet open heart.
It is in this moment, that I see my way forward unfolding with a certainty that is good and true, pure and delightful, clear and sure.